God promised me Psalm 72:6 ("He shall come down like rain upon the mown grass: as showers that water the earth") this morning... but to be honest I had a hard time believing Him. I've been struggling spiritually lately to move beyond past hurts and people, and I've been praying for that rain but it hasn't come.
The Conference was a turning point for me, for sure. God knew that every topic, every speaker, every word would be for my heart alone... that all of what was said was surely Spirit-inspired and so timely for my life. faith. trust. chastisement. reconciliation. peace.
But it's possible to be filled to overflowing with spiritual teaching and still refuse to apply it to my own life. And as I sat in the sanctuary yesterday, I still had to admit that I, too, have been in the wrong. Justifying myself by comparing myself to others is so much easier than just repenting for where I've failed. I've spent a long time letting bitterness settle in because I was just too prideful to stop talking about what others have done and start thinking about how I have failed my Father so many times.
It isn't a natural thing to do. But "to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace" (Romans 8:6). So if there is going to be peace in my life, it's going to have to be un-natural... brought about only by trusting my heart and life completely to the Lord. It isn't going to make sense. But we were reminded yesterday that God loves faith more than he loves clarity. Hebrews 11 tell us that without faith, it is impossible to please my Father. I can't sit here and wait things to fall into something more orderly. It's never going to happen.
Sitting isn't very productive anyway. All day yesterday we talked about walking with Christ. And walking is an action - it's taking steps forward. It requires energy. It requires a sacrifice. It requires a cost. It's less exhausting, though, if I can find the grace to lay aside the weights (Hebrews 12). I need to lay aside the hurt, anger, self-justification, feelings of unfairness, frustration, and fighting.
And when I do...
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit." (Romans 8:1)