a rushing mighty wind

It probably won't come as a surprise to you that NO, the Holy Spirit actually did not answer all of my questions about the present and future this morning. In fact, He really didn't do much guiding at all. But He did encourage, and at 4:30 this morning after getting up with a sick boy and submitting last-minute substitute plans, that felt rushing and mighty.

I am tired. I have been tired for as long as I can remember. It's not a busy-tired. I don't feel overworked or that there aren't enough hours in the day. It's more just a mental-tired. Tired of thinking. Tired of planning. And in my exhaustion somehow, to my shame, it has seemed overwhelming to interact with just one more person... my Savior.

Which means that, in the stress and decisions of life, I'm crippling myself by cutting off the source of all the strength I need and more. The fall is so subtle, just like the fall into any sin, but the results are the same. Spiritual isolation, and physical exhaustion.

I confessed this to Grant last night and this morning opened to Acts 2.

I felt God's assurance that He would speak clearly: "And how hear we every man in our own tongue, wherein we were born?" (vs. 8)

And then,
 "I foresaw the Lord always before my face, for he is on my right hand, that I should not be moved: Therefore did my heart rejoice, and my tongue was glad: moreover also my flesh shall rest in hope: Because thou wilt not leave my soul in hell, neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption. Thou hast made known to me the ways of life; thou shalt make me full of joy with thy countenance." (vs. 25-28)

A while ago my brother-in-law was talking about the necessity of always being face-to-face with Jesus - not removing our focus from Him for an instant. He explained it a lot more eloquently but it's a mental image that I've gone back to many times as I've thought about what it looks like to follow Christ. As these verses from Acts 2 emphasize, the mental and consequently physical exhaustion that I feel sometimes would be alleviated completely if my mind was always on Him and my worries and cares cast away. It even says that "also my flesh shall rest in hope" - when the Lord is always before my face.

Hope is only possible when our vision is eternal, not temporal. God, I pray for that vision.